Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I have post one night stand depression
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