I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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