So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
