You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
