If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
