You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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