i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
