I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
