I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
