i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
