do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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