Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
