Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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