I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
