I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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