so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
