Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
