My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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