I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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