You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
