Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
