Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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