as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
