i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
