He uses pillows to masturbate.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
