So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
