: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
