eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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