Christians are straight up FREAKS
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
