Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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