They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
