I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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