Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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