Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
