you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
