I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
