the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
