I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
