At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
