The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
