I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
