five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
