Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
it's like iHOP with fire
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
