I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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