Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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