I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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