so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
