Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
