Just cropdusted the office
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
