i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
