At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I faked an abortion last night.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
