At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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