see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
