ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
