My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize