I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
