I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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