fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize