Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
God, I missed his penis.
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