im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
