Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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