I'm passing your future prison.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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