Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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