They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
