found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I am naked and annoyed.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
