So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
