I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
