wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
