how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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