She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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