Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
