meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
