I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize