In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize