We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
