you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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