I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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