fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
