Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
