okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
