I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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