census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
